ALCOHOL

A REFORMED ALCOHOLIC BIOLOGY TEACHER WAS GIVING HIS LAST LESSON FOR THE SEMESTER AND DECIDED TO CONDUCT AN EXTRA-SPECIAL LESSON FOR HIS CLASS.

                           THE TEACHER FACED THE CLASS HOLDING 2 WORMS.

ON THE TABLE STOOD TWO BEAKERS.IN THE FIRST WAS PLAIN TAP-WATER.

                                                                          IN THE SECOND WAS BEER.

THE TEACHER EXPLAINED."I SHALL TODAY SHOW YOU THE EVILS OF ALCOHOL AND DROPPED THE FIRST WORM INTO THE BEAKER OF PLAIN TAP-WATER AND THE WORM JUST SWAM AROUND AS HAPPY AS A WORM IN PLAIN TAP-WATER COULD BE.

THEN THE TEACHER DROPPED THE SECOND WORM INTO THE BEAKER OF BEER AND IT WRITHED AND DIED.

                                         TRIUMPHANTLY,THE TEACHER GLEAMED AT THE CLASS AND ASKED."SO CLASS,WHAT IS THE MORAL OF OUR LITLE EXPERIMENT HERE?

                                            AND TO THIS JOHN DEFIANTLY ROSE.

                                      "DRINK BEER AND YOU WON'T GET WORMS."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.” 

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?” 

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.” 

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

Drinking

An Englishman, a, and a ChinaMan are at a bar.

The 3 order drinks but..

When the drinks arrive there's a fly in each beer.

The Englishman Looks on in disgust, pushes his beer back at the waiter and walks out the bar.

BUT,the ChinaMan pulls the fly out his beer, starts flicking it while screaming:

SPIT IT OUT YOU SKINNY BASTARD!!!YOU F***ING KNOW YOU DID'NT PAY FOR IT!!!

007